I've been receiving some demanding messages. At a cemetery, in hot (and sometimes cold) conditions, with mosquitoes and ticks on me, I'm spending my time and gas to contribute a memorial, often of a person forgotten for many decades, with a photo and research to be helpful to strangers. And I can't even get a "please" transfer or a simple "thank you" from an apparent relative. It makes me wonder why I even bother.

I won't be renewing subscriptions to do research – please include proof with peculiar edits (proof is not what you typed on your own webpage).

Some messages have been going directly into the spam folder. I've recovered all that I could, however, I presume some have been deleted, unread. Keep messages brief and easy-to-understand, stating clearly what you want done.

I'm discovering a higher-than-normal amount of incorrect information in the edits that I research when I have the time (sometimes it takes hours to verify one edit). "As the manager, you have an important responsibility to ensure accurate information for the memorial... consider explaining the sources and differing information in the biography field." Double-check your edits for accuracy with official government documents – not with family heritage search websites. DO NOT edit indisputable correct information from multiple official documents with something absurd that you've found on a free website from a wannabe genealogist. Let's stick to facts. False information is copied over and over and may eventually become "facts." I strive to be accurate with the information on a memorial. Likewise, DO NOT delete correct bio information which I spent time and subscription payments to research merely because you don't like census data, list formats, and/or you don't like having an obit on a memorial. (Newspaper obituaries, death certificates and other scanned documentation are now allowed. I generally omit the complete obit, including survivors, from newer obits due to copyright restrictions and family privacy.) I have neither the time nor interest in writing an original heartfelt biography for 19,000 memorials. Having the documentation on the memorial reduces the messages that I receive claiming that the data is wrong and asking what my source is (which likely would have been forgotten). Since anybody can now either delete or edit everything in a memorial when auto-accepted, I'm uploading more documentation (including obits) into the photo section where it cannot be deleted or edited. I prefer to upload material exactly as found, even with mistakes, and then note the discrepancies.

Once again, 8 June 2026: An edit deleted the death location that I acquired from the official death certificate (which I copied to the memorial). No replacement location, no explanation. It must have been a gut feeling that the location was wrong.

Pet peeve: Contributors that add an obit into the photo section then delete the typed obit (and/or other documentation that I paid for) in the bio. On the contrary, I've been thanked for taking the time for typing an obit and adding it into the bio after seeing that a contributor had added the obit into the photo section.

Pet peeve #2: Contributors that type an obit into the bio section, then want the obit in the photo section deleted.

It's impossible to please everyone.

I may include your public name and/or number to an edit as a contact so when others dispute your information they can contact you directly. If you do not want this added, then please do not send the edit.

It's highly likely that I will deny your edit of YOUR preferred memorial bio, formatting and/or page style if it alters MY preferred memorial bio, formatting and/or page style. I generally don't space between paragraphs (per Famous guidelines). Poorly written biographies may be denied. I intentionally replicated many narrow-column newspaper obits exactly as found in the original source – so don't redraft it, you'll be wasting your time. Without fail, when I do receive a redraft, it's filled with both punctuation and typographical errors. Refrain from being concerned with insignificant details that add to my backlog of edits. Some nitpicking edits that I have received just on plot details: use all capital letters (e.g., "Block" to "BLOCK"); abbreviate words (e.g., "Block" to "Blk"); use a dash (punctuation marks) instead of a space; don't use punctuation marks. One style. I cannot please everyone. From past experience, if I accept a few insignificant changes, dozens more will soon follow. The format that I use in the plot field has a hidden message of when I last updated the memorial and if I searched for an obit. I may add directional information on some of the memorials that I manage such as "Northernmost block." Using only "Block 10" is worthless unless you have the correct-version map of the cemetery. To each their own. BUSYBODIES ARE ENCOURAGED TO CRITIQUE THEIR OWN MEMORIALS.

It's Find A Grave – not Find An Obituary.

Contributors are moving their Burial Unknown to the correct cemetery based upon my finding the correct burial location, consequently giving the appearance that I'm creating duplicate memorials. When a person is entering memorials in a specific cemetery they aren't required to search the entire site. For example, there are over 45,000 records if searching for James Smith; and from past experience, memorials (such as Jim Smith) will be missing from the search results. A duplicate memorial with a correct known burial location will always be preferred over an unknown burial location. If a member doesn't update a memorial to the correct burial location within 30 days, then that memorial will be the one deleted, even if it was created first:

• The first memorial in the correct cemetery will be kept.

• A marked cenotaph in a cemetery is kept over alternate dispositions.

Obits, links, and information on many memorials have been submitted by others – accuracy is not guaranteed. Caveat lector. If there is an error, it's likely from an edit sent to me to post (or from the default automatically-accepted edit). Allow a few weeks for edits to be processed – longer for messages via email – when time permits. I receive a large quantity of messages so it's highly unlikely that I'll reply. Repeated daily messages for the same edit only adds to my backlog. Note: Even though I added a photo to a memorial, I may not manage that memorial and therefore I cannot edit information on that memorial.

● Cenotaphs:

A cenotaph is a marker within a cemetery placed in honor of a person whose remains are elsewhere. It is possible for a deceased person to have multiple memorials due to having cenotaphs. Each headstone or marker (in different cemetery locations) should have its own memorial.

● Photos:

Do not copy my photos and use them on other memorials (you are attributing the photos as your own when you use them). Rules: "Contact the contributor directly to request permission to use the photo.... When you have permission to use a photo, we encourage you to add the source of the photo in the caption area so that there is proper credit given and people are aware of where the photo originated." You do NOT have my permission to use my photos on other memorials. This includes rival websites that are stealing the photos. The "Memorials with no grave photo" search feature is ineffective when an outdated photo from an older memorial is copied to a new memorial (usually the departed spouse). People prefer a newer photo with the death date inscribed. I do report copied photos and they are removed. One contributor unbelievably fulfilled a photo request with my gravestone photo from the memorial of the spouse that previously died. But the cherry on top of the cake is the contributor in 2023 that copied my 2015 grave photo and reposted it on the SAME memorial (#53613334).

With the photo enlargement feature on the memorials, I usually don't take close-up photos of a stone. To enlarge a photograph on a memorial page, click on the photo once to get a slightly larger photo (and to see a possible photo caption). Click on "View original" and this will enlarge it more. Then, clicking on this picture will increase it to full size.

If you have an issue with a photo, please click on the name of the contributor underneath the photo. I cannot remove photos from other contributors.

I generally photograph the gravesite as it is.

"Photograph the grave/gravesite 'in-situ', or as it appears in that moment in time. The purpose is to show the grave as it is, be it dirty, cluttered, broken, or pristine. It is not your job to clean it, clear it, fix it, or decorate it. The graves are not yours to do as you please. Remember, one person's 'good deed' just might be another person's vandalism. Go take lots of photos... but do it like an anthropologist and do not disturb the grave site."

–administrator AJ (prior to Ancestry)

I may add additional grave photos to a memorial for various reasons, including:

• Low quality; Find a Grave photo size at one time was a maximum of 250 KB (¼ MB). Photos actually had to be reduced to that now-small size.

• I've been directly requested (bypassing the "Request Photo" feature) to take newer/fresh/updated photos from both out-of-state and elderly people who can no longer visit the grave.

Currently, only two contributors were offended (more like livid) that I added newer photos to "their" memorials.

● Transfers:

Determine if you really need the memorial transferred to you for management. Only request a transfer if you have extensive changes to make to a memorial. You can add photos and suggest corrections without the need to manage a memorial. Simply having someone in your family tree is not sufficient to request a transfer. With millions of members, there will be many overlapping family trees and it would be impossible for all members to manage their entire tree. I've had distant relatives of the departed compete for the same memorial; I cannot please everyone. I ignore "transfer all of the [last name] to me" requests. Typically, when I do transfer a memorial, either nothing is added to the memorial by the new manager (who may have added a few memorials on their own but have many managed due to transfers, then become inactive), or correct information is replaced with something absurd because the transferee is not closely related. At an earlier time, when the photo section was not for scanned documentation or obits, one contributor insisted that there was incorrect information on a memorial – and he should know because he's related. After sending a half-dozen documents to him, he admitted that he was wrong.

● Names:

The 'last name' on the memorial must match the name that is on the headstone (however, the powers that be often flout this guideline/rule). Find a Grave now allows, but does not require, more than one name in the last name field. "Last Name as you would find it on the tombstone. If the interred had more than one last name, they may be added to the last name field." Some obituary contributors (commonly known as Ploppers – they use the cemetery listed in the obit which isn't always accurate; examples: memorials 215782889 or 103104482) are persistent and want it done their way with several names in the last name field. My preference, as a gravestone photo contributor, is to include any other married names as part of the biography section. I generally default to the marker and respect both the first and last names the person and/or family chose to have on the marker. Otherwise, it increases the chances of a duplicate memorial being created – for example, the given name Elizabeth may have on the stone a nickname of Liz, Lisa, Bess, Betty, Ellie, Elsie, or others. (If I used Beth that is inscribed on the stone, then you suggest Elizabeth, another person will make a new memorial for Beth.) More often than not, the first name on the stone (either given or nickname) is the name that the person was known as, used on records, censuses, and the death certificate.

"A man is entitled to be buried in a name he chooses." --Marshal Matt Dillon, 1969, Gunsmoke, S15, E6.

I've noticed that one contributor who was constantly changing names on memorials to the name shown on the birth certificate has apparently been banned – member not found. Case in point: First name Dora changed to Dieuwke, memorial 94184824. (If I was searching for a friend named Dora, clicking on Dieuwke wouldn't come to mind.)

The profile of contributor Liz Olmstead (46772820; deceased, profile now removed) had commented to don't assume that a person uses a common nickname: "I cannot over emphasize the fact that EVERYONE does not have a 'nickname.' My name is Elizabeth; I have never been called Betty in my life. And no, Liz is not my nickname, but I like it. I have a son as well as an uncle who, yes, are really named Billy. My son will set you straight in a second that his name is NOT William. I had an Uncle Jimmy as well as a cousin, Jimmy, neither was named James, my Daddy, he was James, never Jimmy. Sarah is not always Sallie. Some get highly offended at having a nickname attached to their family. Unless you have documentation, PLEASE defer from sending these nicknames."

From my own experience, I've known both a Robert and a Charles that strictly did not want to be called a common nickname (Rob/Bob, Charlie/Chuck). Don't send an edit with a nickname unless you know for sure that the nickname was used.

From another manager's profile:

"We respect the name the person chose to be buried under and will use the same for their memorial including adding or omitting Sr. and Jr. (which may also help prevent duplicates). If you have a different name, we are happy to add the source to the bio upon request."

I may add (or omit) a suffix for clarification. Suffixes like "Jr." and "Sr." aren't necessarily dropped when a son or a father dies. A deceased father may still be known as "John Doe Sr." and a deceased son as "John Doe Jr." There is no hard-and-fast rule over what happens to suffixes after a death. To each their own.

● Rank:

I add rank only for armed services personnel that either died in service or retired from a military career. When entering civilian life after a brief time in service, most people do not carry the rank with them. A post from the forum: "The military headstone will say something like 'John Doe PFC US Army' but that does not mean I should enter it as 'PFC John Doe' (who died aged 80)." Profile of 49149366: "Imagine being know into eternity as 'PFC John Smith' - the lowest military rank available, if being a soldier was only for a year or two of your life!" See the profile of contributor L Evans (47943698) listed below in "Following" for the military rules on rank usages. Click "View All."

● GPS: (Global Positioning System, not Genealogical Proof Standard)

The memorial GPS burial coordinates help anyone to visit the grave by walking directly to it; it's not for entering the general coordinates of the cemetery. Five decimal places in a coordinate is within 3.6 feet of accuracy (when using a high-quality GPS), six decimal places is within 4.4 inches of accuracy. Sending an edit to add more decimal places to a coordinate is ridiculous since a store-bought GPS is not this accurate. There is no need to be precise, a coordinate could either be the center of the plot or the gravestone. Precise coordinates differ when actually using a GPS unit at the gravesite; or will slightly differ depending on which satellite map you're using. Furthermore, the precise coordinates will slightly differ year to year when using the same satellite map. Instead of being concerned with inches, look for the memorials that have the coordinates of a gravesite miles away from the actual cemetery, sometimes in a river or lake.

I've received edits to change plot coordinates that amounted to less than an inch, and coordinates that were obviously just a guess and not close to the plot, or not even within the cemetery.

Note: Find A Grave automatically adds extra decimal places with random numbers to a submitted coordinate.

● Member Search:

Click here or click "Find a member" below.

● Profiles worth reading:

Tim Gruber (47185765), a must-read, insignificant edits

Minaღ (48405613), OCD issues and obits

L Evans (47943698), guidelines and military rules

ChuckNorris (46884447), death certificates and obits

Connie (47390019), hints and guidelines

Liz Olmstead (46772820), nicknames [deceased -- profile removed]

Mr. Ed (35186547), transfers

archivemaster (47523570), insignificant edits

Anonymous (47421469), names and providing sources

J B (48872606), rudeness

SMS (46491005), guidelines and verifying edits

in "Following" below. Click "View All."

● Common Issues:

· The location "Portage" may mean either Portage County, Wisconsin or [the city of] Portage, Columbia County, Wisconsin.

· Wood County Cemetery (no longer used for interments) in Wood County, Wisconsin should not be confused with [General George] Wood National Cemetery in Milwaukee County, Wisconsin. From 1937~1987, the Veterans Administration (VA) Medical Center at Milwaukee, and the place where it's located, were both known as "Wood." (Defunct: Wood, Wisconsin 53193.) Cases in point: see memorials 2916007 and 83753218.

· An eastern Wood County, Wisconsin burial would likely be at Saint Johns Lutheran Parish Cemetery in Portage County, Wisconsin, not Saint Johns Lutheran Cemetery in Wood County, Wisconsin.

· A death that occurred in Rome, Adams County, Wisconsin will likely be stated as Nekoosa, Wood County, Wisconsin in the obit (the postal address).

· In 1900 "Grand Rapids" on the east bank of the Wisconsin River, and "Centralia" on the west bank of the Wisconsin River, consolidated, and became "Grand Rapids." In 1920 the name was changed to "Wisconsin Rapids."

· In 1931 the city of "Kilbourn" changed its name to "Wisconsin Dells."

· Higgins Funeral Home began in 1949, purchased by John J. Buettgen in 2011, destroyed by fire in 2023.

· Any errors in obits or documents have been repeated intentionally — replicated exactly as found in the original source.

· Some memorials without obits could either be that no obit was found, or obits were not allowed at that time. Memorials with partial obits were because complete obits were not allowed at that time.

For the newer members asking: Message/email contact has been disabled for my own sanity. You'll likely do it too in a matter of time. (One example: I received about a dozen messages from the same person, with one different edit at a time, then the final message was to transfer the memorial.)

Cemetery theft video: (copy & paste)

https://www.wkow.com/news/monroe-woman-accused-of-selling-items-stolen-from-local-cemeteries/article_30bd68fc-8c90-11ed-95a1-e371c83a6fd1.html

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Denial message:

I won't be changing it. I like the way I entered it, thanks.

(Taken from the profile of an Australian contributor.)